za3k > games > no, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!

No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE! is a game for 2-8 players. Some of the players are Heroes, and some are Villains. It's designed to be short (30 minutes) and friendly for players new to storytelling games.

Players Heroes Villains
2 1 1
3 2 1
4 2 2
5 3 2
6 3 3
7 4 3
8 5 3

Before the game, each Villain prepares a lair full of obstacles, During the game, Villains describe their obstacles, and Heroes describe how they overcome the obstacles (or fail to).

The Villain's goal is to send wave after wave of increasingly stronger enemies at the Heroes, letting them slowly grow in strength until they can defeat the Villain.

If your group is competitive, try to be the first Hero to kill a Villain, and the first Villain to be killed. Whether you like to cooperate, compete, or just have fun making up silly stories--avoid killing a Hero, or everyone loses.

You will need 30 index cards or similar materials. Notebook paper will also work. You also need one d6 (normal six-sided die) for each player.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.) - Peter Ansprach, 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

written 2021-02-07 by zachary "za3k" vance

Making Heroes

Roll randomly to make your Hero. "I am a ..." (roll once per column)

d6 Class Origin Motive Hero Goal
1 Mexican Wrestler Texan wolves raised me to make friends by working at this temp agency
2 Mad Scientist I traveled back in time to avenge my parents on the last floor of the dungeon
3 Cute Witch After flunking college, I'll be, the -very- best by befriending every single monster
4 Stage Magician I am the chosen one who will make the world better by killing everything I see
5 Living Robot I sailed the seven seas to barely make a living by betraying the heroes
6 Lone Gunslinger In Japanese high school, I will defeat my rival by foiling the villain's plan
Class Physical Mental Spirit
Mexican Wrestler 3 1 1
Mad Scientist 1 3 1
Cute Witch 1 1 3
Stage Magician 1 2 2
Living Robot 2 1 2
Lone Gunslinger 2 2 1

Making Villains

Roll randomly to make your Villain. Keep your identity secret for now. "I am a(n)..." (roll once per column)

Roll Description Thing Name Title Habit Special Move
1 Huge, fire-breathing dragon named Evilla the Evil who chain-smokes and can teleport.
2 Adorable little kitten named Grag'hesh the Honest who monologues and throws huge boulders.
3 Sexually confusing catboy named Blake the Kind who plays piano and owns a gun.
4 Intimidatingly strong demon lord named Xerxes the Weak who lounges around emitting sweeping lasers.
5 Married couple of hoodlum named Fluffy the Destroyer who eats everything and knows kung-fu.
6 Old, weak, and deaf CEO named Susan (no title) who laughs maniacly hypnotizing everyone.

"I live in..." (roll once per column)

d6 Final level Adjective Lair
1 the bottom floor of a dark cave
2 the top floor of an abandoned castle
3 the guest bedroom of a tall skyscraper
4 the main lobby of a rented warehouse
5 the back room of a well-marked mall
6 the deepest part of a spooky forest

"I sure hope no one..." (roll once per column)

d6 Weakness Weak spot Villain Goal
1 Hits my large, glowing eyeball or I'd get to retire early
2 Touches my ticklish foot or I'd finally feel the sweet release of oblivion
3 Activates my hidden belly or I'd have to turn to step 147 of my master plan
4 Steals my valuable horns or I'd have to marry them
5 Sees my shameful naked trap or I'd be released from my curse
6 Scratches the itch on my pet or I'd have to assume my ultimate form

Making Obstacles (for Villains)

  1. Design a series of 4-8 Obstacles for the Heroes to face as they go through your lair. Each one is written on an index card. Don't show the Obstacles to the Heroes.
  2. For each Obstacle, roll its stats using the table below. For each column, roll a d6 and add the Level you wrote down. If the "Goblin Horde" was Level 1, you would roll a d6 and add 1 for each column. If you get "impossible" three times, reroll the obstacle.
  3. Write down the results on the back of the index card, beneath the Level. For example, one card might say "Goblin Horde" on the front. On the back, you might have written: "Level 1, Physical 2, Mental 3, Spirit 1, Loot 1, HP -1".
  4. Get ready to describe the first obstacle in your lair aloud, as explained below.
  5. Stack your index cards neatly, so only the front of the first Obstacle is visible to Heroes.
d6 + Level Physical Difficulty Mental Difficulty Spirit Difficulty Loot Failure
1 1 1 1 a broken stick (nothing) -1 HP
2 1 1 1 100 gold coins (nothing) -1 HP
3 2 2 2 a huge diamond (nothing) -1 HP
4 2 2 2 1 Loot -2 HP
5 3 3 3 1 Loot -2 HP
6 3 3 3 healing potion (full HP) -3 HP
7 4 4 4 2 Loot -3 HP
8 4 4 4 2 Loot -4 HP
9 5 5 5 3 Loot -5 HP
10 6 6 6 4 Loot -6 HP
11 8 8 8 4 Loot -8 HP
12 impossible impossible impossible 4 Loot death
13 impossible impossible impossible 4 Loot death
14 impossible impossible impossible 4 Loot death

Describing Obstacles Aloud

Making Loot (for Villains)

When Heroes beat an Obstacle, they may get Loot. Make each Loot using the table below. For each column, roll a d6 and add the Level of the Obstacle. If you roll all +0 for all three stats, reroll. Heroes see the stats of Loot after they get it. You can make a new index card for each Loot, or (recommended) the Hero can write the Loot on their character card directly.

Optionally, whenever a Hero discovers a Loot, you may describe the item more specifically aloud. Base the description on the Slot and any abilities it has. For example, the +1 Mental Cloak could be described aloud as "a hawaiian-patterned shirt. it's so distractingly bright, that minions won't pay full attention in conversation."

d6 + Level Adjective Slot Physical Mental Spirit Tier
2 Cursed Boots +0 +0 +0 D
3 Extra-sharp Book +0 +0 +0 D
4 Radioactive Hat +0 +0 +0 D
5 Gem-encrusted Cloak +0 +0 +0 C
6 Glowing Sword +1 +1 +1 C
7 Sentient Pet +1 +1 +1 B
8 Ancient Armor +1 +1 +1 B
9 Glittery Wand +1 +1 +1 A
10 Flaming Bow +2 +2 +2 A
11 Secret Technique +2 +2 +2 S
12 Holographic Gun +2 +2 +2 SS

How to Play